Hotel room, dark night with a view


Long drives, high in the skies, in our hotel room, dark night view, music bouncing, lines rolling, kiss me, hold me, pull my hair, the world is ours tonight. Park benches, dark lakes, cans to hand, chain-smoking under storm lights, flashing, banging. We slip into passion in the darkness, in our own universe. Toads croaking, rain falling, gripping my thighs, groaning and moaning. We count the days until freedom, Saturday rolls around and we make those visits. Dirty, dark, heavy homes, but once we hold it in our hands, our nights begun. Hotel rooms, dark night views, I'm out of pocket now, I worked hard for this, but I want this, I need this, I want you, I need you, that’s it. Put the note down and show me. Show me how much you want this. Naked bodies in the darkness of the morning, bodies pressed on the ledge of the balcony, blowing smoke into the world, screaming fuck you, fuck him, fuck everyone, we are invincible! We scream off the balcony, we follow another line, you grab me around the throat, and we make love again. Alarms ringing, work is calling, it’s time to be human. We roll around in bed moaning. But fuck, you slide into me until we forget about our headaches. We sit at your work, skateboard decks around, trucks, tools, coffees, soon. Soon. I can't take it, I can't control it, chuck the closed sign up and take me to the bathroom. Time to say goodbye, goodbye, my love, until next time. Phone in hand all week speaking to you while we count down the days again. More storms above, storm becomes hurricane, but you still come and get me. Gig tickets ordered, hotel room entered, pizza on table. Beers, no fears, lines, let’s go. You grab my waist in the crowd, you press you body up to mine, and we dream big. I roll my hips onto you in the crowd, while the tingles down our throat drips down into our stomachs, and the grip becomes tighter. Fuck, don't let me go. Give me more, let’s drink more, the night will never end. But everything ends right? And our sell by date was looming, as my bags packed and I'm presuming that we will still be we, that us will still be us, but when you drop me off for the bus, you hold my face and kiss me, and there was no longer us. I'm on the bus, nature is calling and I was fucking falling, I had to leave, I needed to leave. I'm truly out of pocket now, I got nothing, I got no one, but nature, yes nature will heal me. I need my body to be mine again, where the fuck did I go? 2 weeks later, I took a big blow, while knees on the earth, pulling weeds to pay my way and something felt funny, there was something about that day, hiding at my hide away, but I felt life. Like the life I was holding in my hand as I pulled it from the earth. There was no longer we or us, but I had something of ours. Yet it didn’t bring me closer to you. Hotel rooms with a view, long drives, cans to hands, gripping my neck, living pay check to pay check, we were a wreck. My delusional lust for you turns sour. I reach out my hands to find you, and you weren’t there. But, this was ours. This is ours. My mind breaks, I don't awake from the depth of desperation. Our time suddenly becomes memories’, and you become nothing. I become nothing. If all those hotel rooms with dark night views meant nothing, what were they in the moment? But just a moment. I got rid of the thing inside me that was ours. My sanity followed it. And I'm haunted by our continuous lines, our sudden fights, our anger, our sadness, and your hands. It’s over, you’re finished. I'm done. The more I question, the closer it brings me to the ledge. Until one night. I stand tall on the edge. Toes hanging over. I clutch my stomach. I pull my hair, why weren’t you there, complete despair, this is it. Fuck. And I....tumble off the ledge. Backwards. Bang. My head. What? Oh, I'm not dead. If that wasn’t a sign, I don't know what is. I don't need to die to heal, I don't need to die to move away from you, I don't need to die to pay for the life lost. I don't need to die, I just need to fly, become a beautiful butterfly. Whirling through the skies. That when I look up, it reminds me of those dark night skies, hotel rooms with a view, images of you, and the emptiness too. I swallow. I'm flying away from that emptiness now, as I'm longing for something better. And it doesn’t involve you.


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