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Obsessive Obsession


- A person who has obsessions


- An unwanted feeling or emotion

- Compulsion, an irrational motive for performing trivial or repetitive actions, even against your will

- An unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation with something or someone

- The need or ability to be consumed by or control something or someone that you have desire for

There’s so many questions to ask about obsessions: -Do certain age groups have certain stereotypical obsession? -Can we rub off our obsessions onto others and lose it ourselves, because it feels like it’s been confiscated away from us? -Are obsessions sometimes unhealthy, and do they blind us from the rest of the world? -Is being obsessed with something or someone really unhealthy? Alternatively, do we need our little obsessions to keep us stable and alive?

“Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never, never forget it..”

Cutis Judalet

I prevent myself from seeing the rest of the world, I can’t help it. I want to be able to let go of it all, focus on the future. Drop the past, walk into the future. One day. I am obsessed with worrying about time. Where has it gone? Why can’t I remember what I did in the last few hours? Where was I this time last year? When I was 10, what happened then? Where the fuck is my past? Is it all just distant memories, which we end up just forgetting? I don’t enjoy it but I do it. I am obsessed with living in the past and sometimes letting it spoil my future. That way, if I live in the past, pictures on all four walls, and the last few years on paper, then I can never ever forget it. Can we have obsessions that ARE enjoyable? If so, what? Or is it a pessimistic person like myself, only be able to pick out the faults in obsessions, and knows that she will never be able to reach out to the up side of things? Does being pessimistic just about ruin everything? Or do we just save ourselves from all the trouble because we are just telling ourselves what life is actually about, being realistic? Isn’t it weird, every time we are on a complete downer, our opinions and attitude towards everything changes dramatically? Or when one day you wake up, and decide that today, is going to be a good day, you are going to make it what you wish to be. You strut your stuff, smile at the people, happy, happy.. happy. Isn’t it also weird how you always choose the wrong day to be optimistic? All it is, as far as the eye can see, frowns, heads down, and dark, black clouds over everyone’s head. Talk about raining on your parade.

Sometimes I get obsessed about making things perfect, and trying to make people happy. Perfect, perfect, perfect, because that’s how it should be. Like in those films, and then after I go home and look back on those pictures on my camera and admire that day, But it never works out that way, but truthfully, if it happens in films, why cant it happen in real life? We all crave some perfect moments, why can’t we have them? Perfect hair, eyes, home, cars, family, friends, jobs, careers, a perfect LIFE! Does anyone care? Picture perfect moments and times to remember when you 70 years old in a rocking chair? Does anyone else, really try to aim to live life to the full as I do? Is life for me, really just the hunt for that PERFECT picture moment, which I will clutch tight to my chest until I die? Lately I have a good outlook on life. If I ever have an idea, and something deep inside tries pushing me to do it, but my head stops me and says ‘No!’. Then I go to do it. If the outcome is bad, it is bad; we can always try our best to correct it. It is always going to be a risk playing these games. In addition, if the outcomes good? Then you are living your life. Doing what you what, when you want, that’s how it should be, also the best of all, you will never regret taking that risk. The feeling of regret is my worst feeling, because once it's in the past, it's gone, and then it’s a hard job correcting your mistakes after that. If it was meant to be corrected.. It's sometimes really hard to let go of an obsession though. It's not simple. I have an unhealthy obsession, with being unhealthy? Is that a good enough obsession? Though can it really be an obsession, because I don’t actually enjoy not being healthy, I just can’t eat, but it’s something I can’t help and it feels like it’s nowhere near under my control. Does that prove that obsession can also be very, very un enjoyable, and extremely dangerous for your health? My best friend is a typical selfless person. Beautiful and charming. She’s kind of like me, but to the extreme. Trying everything in her power to make me happy. Dropping everything and changing things, to put a smile on my face. Is she obsessed with making me happy, because she doesn’t like to see me sad? Because if someone you love is upset, it rubs off extremely easy. Is it when we love someone so much, we will drop everything and anything to see them smile? I used to be the kind of person who used to love being alone. At the age of 13, I locked myself in my room. All day and all night. Now I think back to what I used to do, I can never remember because it was a hell of a lot of time to be spending all by yourself. I had friends, but I chose not to be with them. I didn’t like having friends, going out and trying to have a good time wasn’t my thing. I much rather sit at home, writing, drawing, and organizing. Organizing stuff in the very far away future, organizing and then re organizing my room and books, cd’s on my shelf, organizing piles or pictures and stories, organizing the things that never ever needed to be organised, Even at young ages we have obsessions, mine was staying inside and organizing. But everyone has obsessions, I have to put everything and nearly anything into category groups otherwise it doesn’t make sense to me, I used to always have to sing the same song before I went to sleep so I could have a bizarre and crazy dreams, I day dream far too much and sometimes I think it’s a bit un healthy because I always have this:

“So, what do you think of that?” ‘I’m scanning my brain trying to think of something I heard them say, then realizing that I have nothing I just nod and say..’ “Its cool..” “Oh, really? What the hell? Why do you say that?” ‘Shit, what do I say now. I just pretended I heard what they said and just replied. Now I feel like a complete idiot but..’ ‘Um, sorry what did you say?” ‘Idiot! I’m not using that ever again!’ I’ m obsessed with being that person who sits around and sulks when she’s just gone out and had a great night, danced on those tables, and got laid, because its never going to happen again like that. Days later, I will still be sad, I will over think into things and think about never being able to change your past. What I do on nights out, is that always the right thing? Is this going to affect my future? Am I really going to regret every single bit of it when I’m older? Or, ‘Shit, why didn’t I do that last night?’ Which is worst of all.

Overall, I never spend an entire day at home because I’m scared something better is going on somewhere else, In fact I don’t like spending an entire day anywhere inside especially when the suns shining, because I want to use that time as much as I can, I like having a huge variety of friends because I never know when one of them will come in use, I take every opportunity I can because you only live once, I’m always alert with things around me in case I miss anything. Therefore, I guess we do need our little obsessions to keep us all sane and alive, because they are who we are, and without them, we are all the same.

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